Nick Lancaster and 10 things about Facebook

Someone by this name keeps trying to add me as their Facebook friend, but I keep rejecting him because I am a cold, heartless bitch. But the thing is, I don't know you, Nick Lancaster. And if you want to be my friend, I need to know who you are in real life. I don't care if you've gotten dozens of other people to be your Facebook friend without knowing them. Those people are Facebook whores.

I am a genteel Facebook lady. I need to be loosened up by a few of those fake alcoholic Facebook application drinks.

And you would think that you would learn, Mr. Lancaster, by your 5th Facebook friend rejection that I do not want to be your friend. And this brings us to Facebook etiquette.

It seems that many Facebook and internet users, alike, do not have proper internet etiquette, so here are a few helpful tips:

1. If you are a teenage girl with emotional insecurity problems who turns to chat rooms for male affection, "sk8erdude181" is always a 50 year old man who lives with his mother. And your story will most likely be made into a Lifetime movie played by Melissa Joan Hart.

2. Wait an hour before replying to someone's Facebook message or you might cramp up and drown. Not an old wives' tale.

3. The Facebook "poke" is not for poking people you like. No one is sure what it is for. And like any proper poking safety, don't use it unless you know what it's for...

4. The Facebook "notes" application is not for your overly emotional therapy sessions. People only care if you write about them and their overly emotional therapy sessions.

5. No one likes PDAs in person. No one likes them on Facebook either. But we do find it amusing when you change your relationship status.

6. If you write something stupid on Facebook, everyone will judge you and/or copy and paste your words everywhere. Two seconds before you even wrote it.

7. If you have more than 18 different applications on your Facebook page, you should probably go on a diet. Or get a cooler hobby.

8. As a general rule, don't invite your friends to join lame Facebook applications. Unless you secretly hate them and this is your passive aggressive revenge.

9. If you are desperately lonely and needing attention, don't solicit yourself on a Network wall. Work the streets like any decent person.

10. Don't be like Nick Lancaster with his fake friend collection. Say "hi" to someone on the street, get their name, and then run home and add them as your Facebook friend.




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